How to Really Read Job Ads

© Copyright Dagmar Rakos

Here is a translation what you can REALLY expect whenever you see one of these in a Classifieds Careers/Jobs section:

 

extremely busy environment” -> translation: *We are understaffed.*

can work independently” -> translation: *Don’t expect any support from us!*

provide assurance and consulting services to our clients” -> translation: *You are an extremely skillful liar!*

stamina to work long hours” -> translation: *In other words you are expected to be a cross between a jackass, a camel and an ox!*

willing to work hard” -> translation: *Slavery, the legal way.*

outstanding customer support service” -> translation: *You have an experience working as a lion tamer or at least as a high school teacher!*

exceptional organizational skills” -> translation: *We hope we finally get someone who can clean up that big mess we have here!*

winning positive attitude” -> translation: *Never get bogged down no matter how stupid the management decisions are!*

you are a self-starter” -> translation: *We have no idea what we are doing, but we sincerely hope, you will!*

friendly customer service” -> translation: *You are mentally challenged and smiling to it!*

ability to work in fast-paced environment” -> translation: *Break? What break…?*

you feel like an essential member of a corporate family” -> translation: *You are not going to tell our secrets to the tax office, right?*

you are responsible and dependable” -> translation: *We expect you to keep your mouth shut no matter what you see, what we do/don’t do!*

exceptionally positive attitude” -> translation: *Boss is an asshole and a dictator who blows off his top thirteen times a day!*

willing to work long hours” -> translation: *Forget about your family, or any personal life at all!*

ability to work in a challenging environment” -> translation: *You can always B.S. your way out!*

positive outlook” -> translation: *What? You expect us to actually pay you for your work…?!*


Copyright © Dagmar Rakos, http://www.humoricon.com

You have the permission to freely publish this article under the condition you will give the above credit to the author

 

Courtesy of Humoricon.com

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